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11月20日 An Analise update - welcome to the roller coasterToday was an interesting day. Last night, Analise had a great sleep - 10 hours. No episodes like the prior night. For about the first 2 hours after she woke up, she was very disoriented. She kept looking around like she didn't know where she was. She wasn't verbally responsive. She was hungry, so I gave her a roll and it fell from her hand. I took a little piece of roll and put it in her hand. She tried to put it in her mouth and missed. I hand fed her the roll and while she seemed to have some trouble chewing, she the whole thing. She also had to be on my lap for every minute. If I tried to put her down she would cry. When she woke up around 7:30, she was disoriented again. She has been singing 'twinkle twinkle' and babbling. It's like verbal tourette's. She is repeating what she hears without any comprehension. She's having troubles eating right now - food goes in her mouth and comes out. She's not spitting it out, it's like she forgets how to chew properly. Will post an update tomorrow.... 11月19日 Horrible, awful, scary timeToday is the 10th day that Analise has been really ill as a result of the swine flu. I know some of you have some information, some have a little, and some have no idea where Analise has been for the last few days. I'm going to go back to this past Monday and share what's been going on since then.
Analise was diagnosed with swine flu 8 days ago, a week ago Wednesday. Thursday she seemed to be feeling a little better. Friday she took a dive and over the weekend was really ill. Crying non stop, inconsolable, coughing constantly, high fever, very congested. On Monday morning, her fever was gone and she was showing more energy. Her cough sounded better. Then around 2pm, I noticed that she was making odd motions with her hands and wrists, making circles and rubbing her fingers together in an odd way. She was also rather spacy. She didn't want to walk so I carried her around all day. When I did set her down, she immediately sat on the floor and then laid down. She also wouldn't take anything that I handed to her. I thought this was weird but figured she was tired. When Jim got home, she gave him a big smile. He noticed that she was out of it and when he tried to get her to walk, she couldn't. She had her toes curled under and she fell down. We tried to hand her things and they fell out of her hand. Jim tried to get her to high five him and she tried but totally missed his hand. We knew this was big trouble. We took her to the ER at Children's Hospital. She started rocking her head back and forth, sort of like Ray Charles does. She seemed to be having trouble focusing her eyes. The ER pediatrician and neurologist took blood, drew her urine through a catheter, had a CT scan, and then finally a spinal tap. They had to put her out to do the spinal tap. She wasn't relaxing with all the kiddie valium they were giving her and she wouldn't lay still enough for them to do the spinal tap. It took almost 2 hours to get through that. All of these tests were conducted from 7pm to 2:30am. She was in pretty good spirits considering all this stuff and was singing Twinkle Twinkle through her CT scan. In and of itself, that was weird. It was total zone out behavior when she was doing it - she wasn't really responding to us. All the tests came back normal. Her blood pressure was high but that wasn't considered abnormal given the stress of what she was going through. They ruled out meningitis, guillame-barre, and other conditions with similar symptoms. At this point the theory is that she had a secondary infection that was creating brain swelling.
She was admitted and we got into our room around 3am. We were put in isolation so no one can come in without being suited up, masks, gloves, etc.
Analise couldn't sleep. She kept kicking her legs and rocking her head. I was able to get her to sleep by walking her around, but as soon as I tried to lay her down she woke up. At about 5:30am, I tried to put her in crib again. She got very agitated and was kicking and flailing her arms. I picked her up and noticed that her eyes were blank. She could hear me but she couldn't see me. She was calling 'mama' and I was right in front of her. I got the nurse and the dr came in about 6:30am, which seemed like an enternity. She verified that Analise was not able to see and said they would get her in for an MRI as soon as possible. Well, that turned out to be 1pm. Between then, the neurologist team came in around 10am. Analise responded to a bright light in the darkened room so we were glad to see that. Outside of that she wasn't able to see and was very agitated. Our friends Wendy and Thomas came by around lunch time (with food, bless them) and when I held Analise up to the glass she was able to see enough of Thomas to start to cry. I was never so happy to see her cry. Thomas cried too. After that, it looked like she was back to not seeing. She still couldn't use her hands properly and was continuing to move her head around in this rhythmic motion. She also had stopped talking altogether. She wasn't crying but she wasn't talking or responding to us.
At 1pm she had her MRI - they had to put her out again - and we got the results around 4. Nothing abnormal. No swelling. At this point the neurological team came back and said that from their perspective, all the tests indicated that there wasn't a neurological cause to what was going on. They said that they have been seeing similar cases of nervous system short circuiting as an outcome of the H1N1 virus and they mostly were resolving over time on their own. Her vital signs and reflexes were good. We were encouraged by this but it was clear she was very ill and having a nervous system breakdown of some type. The pediatric team came in and said that if we were able to get her to eat or drink (which she wasn't doing, she'd been on an IV), we could take her home but they encouraged us to stay for observation. We went to bed early but Analise was very active kicking her legs and sitting up, but seemed to be able to hear me and tried to relax when I asked her to. We got a few hours sleep.
Yesterday, her vision seemed improved. She mostly wanted to be in our arms and while she was moving her head around in a weird motion, her hand motions had stopped. We were very encouraged. They took her off the IV so we try to get her to eat and drink. That didn't go so well. She had 7 cheerios, 3 M&M's, a bite of turkey, and a tiny bit of juice. Our goal was to get her to eat so we could get her back to her comfort zone at home She was getting agitated when people came in the room and we thought the stress of being in a strange place without her things and with scary people poking/prodding her was not helping her heal. After our dinner (thanks Lora!), we found some cartoons on TV and that seemed to help her focus her eyes and relax enough to drink a cup of juice. She also had a bit more to nibble on. We asked if we could be discharged. We had to wait for a clearance from the cardiologist. To go back, in the middle of the night vitals check, her heart didn't sound right to someone, so they had an EKG done at 10:30am. By 6:00pm we still had not had an update on results. Anywho, they finally got back to us with the news that looked fine too. Once all the discharge paperwork was done, we came home around 9pm.
Analise was obviously glad to be home. She asked for juice and a roll - finally talked!- and then watched more TV. She even gave me a smile when I got out the camera. I tried to take her to bed and she started the head movements and flailing around. I brought her back downstairs and she was continuing the head movements, and kicking and waving her arms around. She was not responding to me. It has been like she has an on and off switch, and she is switched off, she is in her own world entirely.
Jim cradled her and got her to relax. We took her to bed and she fell right asleep. At this point, none of us had more than 7 hours of sleep over 3 days. She woke up after a couple hours and had a two hour episode that went like this - She sat up, threw her head back and forth, kicked hard, and flailed her arms. Her eyes were open but she would/could not acknowledge us or listen to commands, like lay down. This lasted 2 hours. She then fell asleep, woke up an hour later, and started again, this time for an hour. I got her up and walked her around, and she fell back asleep. Another hour later, she woke up again and started again. This lasted half an hour. I got up with her and brought her to the living room. Her switch went on and she asked for juice. I gave her juice and she rested in my arms for an hour. She has been moving from me to Jim and back all morning. She is not responding verbally to us, but will look at us.
As you can tell, this is a very scary time. We are just taking this minute by minute and doing a lot of praying. We have been so grateful for the visits at the hospital, the calls, the texts :), and emails. Our parents drove over right away and my parents are staying at the house. We feel very supported and want to thank you for keeping Analise in your thoughts and prayers.
UPDATE (4:30pm)
Analise has had a quiet and uneventful day so far. She has been more responsive than last night and had a 2.5 hour nap without an episode.
We talked to the pediatrician who said if she is not better tomorrow there is one last EEG test they can run, but he doesn't recommend it unless she is not improving. He restated that he really believes this is all temporary. I hope he is right.
11月14日 Still sick and no funny storiesAnalise is on day 6 of fever, coughing, congested, runny nose, & tummy ache. She is one unhappy camper. We took her back to the dr yesterday as she seemed to be on the upswing on Thursday, but then crashed Thursday night/Friday morning. I don't think she's slept more than an hour at a stretch all week - the coughing wakes her up. The dr said she wasn't showing signs of secondary illness, so that is the silver lining.
We called in reinforcements in the form of my dad, who had the swine flu shot a few weeks ago (he never misses a flu shot opportunity!), and he is arriving tomorrow. Even if Analise is by Monday - please please please - Jim and I have missed a fair amount of work this past week, so will be playing catch up. We're both beat and let me just say this, I don't know how parents do it who have multiple sickies at home at the same time. This may be where becoming a mom in my mid forties (on the south side, not the north :), doesn't pay off. Energy, where did you go?
I was going to post a photo of Analise in her pj's - for someone so sick she still is pretty darn cute - even her bed hair looks like it is supposed to be fluffy in the back and straight in the front - but the camera battery has gone missing. It could be Analise knew of my plan and 'put it away'. Or, the 3 friendly felines thought it would be fun as a toy. Anywho, no more pix till it is located (or replaced).
Until next time...
11月11日 Swine flu and 2 funny storiesWell, it is official. Analise has H1N1 swine flu. We received a phone diagnosis (based only on symptoms as described this morning) and then a house call from a doctor this evening, who administered a nasal swab test. :(
She has been sick for a few days - horrible cough, ongoing fever between 102-104, lethargic. It is no fun for anyone. She just recovered from hand,foot, mouth virus with 10 blisters in her mouth and a fever for several days - she had a 5 day reprieve and then started coughing. We are doing our best to keep her as comfy as possible. Poor pudding. We also are doing our best to not get sick, tamaflu to the rescue. Jim went to the pharmacy the moment the dr. left to get that filled!
I've been meaning to post a couple funny stories, so to lighten the mood, here's what Analise did recently:
1). Background - we have started a more regimented bed time routine. It looks like doing jammies, teeth, stories, and then bed in about a 30 min. span. I was getting Analise prepped for bed time, so I said "Analise, we are going to do jammies and teeth. What do we do next?" She looked at me and yelled, loudly, "Jim, it's STORY TIME. JIM, STORY TIME NOW!" which is exactly what I do every night. I get her ready and then yell down the stairs at the top of my lungs to have Jim come up to join us. Story #...
2). Analise asks for a roll. I give her a roll and then she starts walking upstairs alone. I say "Analise, where are you going to eat that?"
"In my mouth!"
That's all for tonight. Send healing wishes to Miss Analise - she needs 'em. 11月8日 I quit!The title of this blog gives the very short version of my recent career decision. Of course, there is much more to the story than this in terms of what I am going to do and how I got to this (BIG! HUGE! LIFE CHANGING!) decision. It all started when...
In March 2007, I attended a High Potential Program planning meeting in Tokyo Japan. It was hosted by the program lead, Shannon Wallis, who in addition to leading the largest high potential program at Microsoft, is also a published co-author with Steven Covey and Ken Blanchard - here: http://www.blueprintforsuccessbook.com/. It's well worth a read! In the book, Shannon shared her personal story of fulfilling a vision. In Tokyo, Shannon led 15 of us through a visioning exercise. She had us look forward into the future and write down where and what we would like to be. Here is what I wrote:
At the time, March 2007, I was living in Redmond with Jim, in a house I liked but was too far from the city (30 miles, which is hours away in bad traffic!), working in a job I really liked (but alot of hours), my parents were starting to have some (and were having more) surgeries (lots of anxiety around that), not feeling very fit, and having no idea when I would be able to adopt, given I had been waiting 18 months already and there no good news on the horizon. The idea of having my own business is something I had flirted with for many years. The allure of having flexibility, focusing on your passion, and building something from scratch was compelling. However, I have always liked my jobs at Microsoft, and tend to be pretty security oriented. There wasn't a truly compelling reason to change my life.
Fast forward to June 2009. I am living in Seattle with Jim, in a house with a (small) view and a fireplace. I'm in a job that I like but don't have total passion for, other than managing a super team. My parents have done well through their surgeries, still not feeling very fit, and am 4 months into my infant care leave with my beautiful new daughter. Oh, and I got engaged in February to the aforementioned Jim. :) I started fantasizing (again) about starting my own business. But all the old baggage is there - not enough security, you never know if you'll get work, how will you pay for that house with the (small) view and fireplace, and won't you miss your MSFT colleagues??
I started down 3 different paths at the same time. I started to prepare for my return to work, but what was different is that I put some 'must haves' in my decision to stay in my role. These included that I 1) feel passionate about the work itself and 2)could manage the workload without compromising my new priority on family. I also reached out to colleagues and friends to get their perspective on starting a business. And, I looked at alternate jobs outside of MSFT that I thought may put me back on the career path I was most passionate about.
I returned to work in September, and within a couple of weeks, it was clear to me that as much as I loved the people I work with- and I do- the work just wasn't igniting the fire I've had in previous jobs. It was interesting, and frankly not expected, but once Analise was in my life, the value of my time increased 100 fold - it become more important than ever before that I love what I do and also that I give Analise the time, particularily as a new adoptee, that would show her that she has a forever family.
I put a date on my calendar as to when I would make a final decision. I hate not having a plan. Around the same time, I interviewed for a job outside of MSFT. In 13 years, I hadn't ever seriously looked outside the company, but I figured if there was a possibility in my mind that I would leave MSFT, I should also consider what other options are out there. The job I interviewed for had a lot going for it, especially since it was in talent management. I got the job offer. Oh no - what now! I really had to make a decision! Do I go with what I want in my heart , or do I go with my head (led by fear of change and security)? Well... for the first time in my career, I went with my heart. In a two week period, I turned down the external job, and gave notice at my MSFT job. I feel as though I'm placing an arguably big bet on myself to make a go and a success of my own business. Needless to say, I am spending my free time doing a lot more visioning and praying!
I'm excited (about new opportunities), scared (can I make this work), sad (I will miss being part of the full time team at MSFT), and optimistic (I will make a go at this and I hope to do some vendor projects at Microsoft). I seem to be all these things at the same time. :)
So, that's my story. Next year, I will be Amy Brown, mother to Analise, fiancee to Jim, stepmother to Skyler, daughter to Jean and Walt, and owner of SoDo Consulting. The next blog will be back on our favorite topic, Analise. But I didn't want this decision to go by without sharing my experience.
Happy November!
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